Have you finally orgasmed yet?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
