I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
