I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
