In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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