Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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