I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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