Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
