I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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