Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
