I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
