never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
