he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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