you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
