saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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