If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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