i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
