Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we're making bets on your personal life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
