well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
