im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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