its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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