How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
