my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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