im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
