theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
