have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
