I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Still dying that you shit outside
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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