So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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