I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
