i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
