And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
