Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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