those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
