if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
