My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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