Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
