I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
