i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
