remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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