Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
