Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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