i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
