I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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