Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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