Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
