Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
