Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
