she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We need to get me chipped asap
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
