What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
