Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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