No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
